For those of you not in the "know", Wikipedia describes paper thusly:
Paper is thin material mainly used for writing upon, printing upon or for packaging. It is produced by pressing together moist fibers, typically cellulose pulp derived from wood, rags or grasses, and drying them into flexible sheets.
Paper was invented millions of years ago, by the Egyptians probably, or maybe the Chinese even. I'm not sure. What I do know is that they both had it at some point ages ago, and that the Egyptians called it papyrus which is Egyption for "really crappy paper." The primary utilization of it as a surface to doodle on and the occasional replacement for when you'd run out of two-ply hasn't really changed much in the current age. The Chinese were at least a bit more inventive and made small, useless paper animals and flimsy cups that I can't ever get to work right.
What good is a toy that you can't take into the bathtub, honestly?
Paper is an invention that single handedly spurred progress. People could finally write down their ideas on it (which at the time must have consisted of "find more whores and slaughter my enemies"), they could draw things on it instead of needing to find an empty spot of cave wall (this also allowed them to carry it around showing people their pretty pictures of the moose they killed that afternoon) and they could fold it into airplanes and spit wads of it at their teachers.
Over time this led to the invention of books (as stacks of paper would fall over comically and scatter in between classes) which in turn led to the printing press (because monks are slow at copying things and they charge exorbitant prices), as well as computers (because using the printing press was hard work and evolution guides us back toward a sedentary lifestyle) and eventually into digital paper which is essentially a flexible tv screen that you can write on, and that's pretty cool.
Paper itself has come a long way since the days of barely usable pressed wood chunks. We still make papyrus for some reason, and the much flimsier recycled and construction papers. The paper technology has advanced in useful directions as well. We have loose leaf binder paper which is designed specifically to give as many papercuts to grade-schoolers as humanly possible, and synthetic papers that are smooth and plasticy that have made their ways into numerous school textbooks. Wax papers and carbon transfer papers, and durable printer paper with glossy sides. We've even developed a paper that can be printed on using heat, which should encourage a trend of kids breathing heavily onto their tests to obscure their poor grades.
Paper has even progressed as far as making pre-printed images that we can apply adhesively to other things, such as jackets, walls, textbooks, little brothers, and trapper keepers.
That's right, stickers.
Has there been a greater invention?
In essence, paper is possibly the greatest discovery of mankind, so to rate it any less than a 10 would probably not do it justice.
I'm giving it a 9.8 though, because to the best of my knowledge you can't eat it, or at least you can't digest it, and everyone knows that the perfect technology would be edible as well as-
What's that?
Edible Paper?
Well shit. Alright, 10/10.
Bravo, paper, keep up the good work.
Paper was invented millions of years ago, by the Egyptians probably, or maybe the Chinese even. I'm not sure. What I do know is that they both had it at some point ages ago, and that the Egyptians called it papyrus which is Egyption for "really crappy paper." The primary utilization of it as a surface to doodle on and the occasional replacement for when you'd run out of two-ply hasn't really changed much in the current age. The Chinese were at least a bit more inventive and made small, useless paper animals and flimsy cups that I can't ever get to work right.
Paper is an invention that single handedly spurred progress. People could finally write down their ideas on it (which at the time must have consisted of "find more whores and slaughter my enemies"), they could draw things on it instead of needing to find an empty spot of cave wall (this also allowed them to carry it around showing people their pretty pictures of the moose they killed that afternoon) and they could fold it into airplanes and spit wads of it at their teachers.
Over time this led to the invention of books (as stacks of paper would fall over comically and scatter in between classes) which in turn led to the printing press (because monks are slow at copying things and they charge exorbitant prices), as well as computers (because using the printing press was hard work and evolution guides us back toward a sedentary lifestyle) and eventually into digital paper which is essentially a flexible tv screen that you can write on, and that's pretty cool.
Paper itself has come a long way since the days of barely usable pressed wood chunks. We still make papyrus for some reason, and the much flimsier recycled and construction papers. The paper technology has advanced in useful directions as well. We have loose leaf binder paper which is designed specifically to give as many papercuts to grade-schoolers as humanly possible, and synthetic papers that are smooth and plasticy that have made their ways into numerous school textbooks. Wax papers and carbon transfer papers, and durable printer paper with glossy sides. We've even developed a paper that can be printed on using heat, which should encourage a trend of kids breathing heavily onto their tests to obscure their poor grades.
Paper has even progressed as far as making pre-printed images that we can apply adhesively to other things, such as jackets, walls, textbooks, little brothers, and trapper keepers.
That's right, stickers.
In essence, paper is possibly the greatest discovery of mankind, so to rate it any less than a 10 would probably not do it justice.
I'm giving it a 9.8 though, because to the best of my knowledge you can't eat it, or at least you can't digest it, and everyone knows that the perfect technology would be edible as well as-
What's that?
Edible Paper?
Well shit. Alright, 10/10.
Bravo, paper, keep up the good work.
Dude. You reviewed paper. I... I don't even...
ReplyDelete::slow clap::