Chasing Squirrels

So I was chasing squirrels on the way home from work.

I walk home, and there are squirrels and rabbits and cats everywhere on the way. I live in a cul de sac near a temple, a church, and a school with a playground, so they've got a bit of an area to run around in, which gives me a bit of an area to chase them in. I know I'm an adult. I don't care. Chasing squirrels in the park is fun, even if it's just for a few steps, then you just stop and laugh at yourself.

I don't know why I chase the squirrels or why it's fun. I mean yeah, it's ridiculous. And early man was a hunter. But I'm not a hunter. What if I actually caught a squirrel? I mean, I'm always grabbing at them. What if one of them stops short, lags a step behind, falters where I don't? I lean out to mock grab it as I always do, and I nab it by the tail.

Then I've got a squirrel.

I don't know what to do with it. My landlord won't let us keep pets, and it's hard to keep a squirrel as a pet in the first place, they tend not to do well. I'm not really into eating squirrel in any way. The meat is too gamey, and I have difficulty imagining myself killing and preparing the thing on top of that. Do I just let it go? Is this a sort of land fishing? Hook and release, but with furry, legged, bitier fish?

I think the fact that I'm not good at catching squirrels is probably the most important factor in my chasing them.

METAL COMMUNISTS: The Robot and YOU

I fear robots.

This is not an uncommon fear, but I don't fear them for the same reason as other people (being unstoppable bloodthirsty killing machines).

On its way to a loved one near you.

The reason that I'm afraid of robots is because of their inevitable upheaval of society, thanks to the wonders that their existence can bring about. In all honesty, the only reason that this hasn't happened is that anyone in the power to do so knows the chaos that would ensue as a result of introducing robots into every element that they are capable of overtaking.

We have robots in manufacturing divisions building our products, we have self check out booths at grocers and some chain department stores instead of cashiers, we have roombas to clean our houses so we don't need to do it or need to hire a maid, and phones capable of controlling everything from the temperature and lighting in the house to a replacement for your remote. Technology is making leaps and bounds in all directions and it's really only a matter of time before, say, it is capable of replacing everyone in the public sector.

There are plenty of things that we've developed that simply aren't in practice because it would put so many people out of jobs. Vertical farming , for example, would eradicate the need for the huge farms in the country, and with them the farmers. RFID tags could be implemented into all products (as is wanted for consumer reports and predicted by some people) which would eliminate the need for cashiers altogether as the store could just charge you altogether for everything on your person when you leave the store as it scans you at the security gate on the way out. And using those tags, robots could theoretically stock the shelves in addition to that, or taking it one step further could even retrieve items for a customer and bring it to the front order desk instead of you even needing to retrieve items yourself. Because obviously you'd be exhausted from driving there yourself in your Fully Autonomous Vehicle. For you kids keeping track at home, that is a self-driving car.

Hasselhoff's greatest dream is a reality.

These all sound like great advancements in technology, until you realize that each of these investments is a step toward the robotic communist agenda. It's only a matter of time until scientists and businessmen alike say "screw it" and toss robots into every aspect of the public sector.

You may be thinking "sure, when this happens I'll just get a job repairing the robots like in that new Willy Wonka movie!" That is until you realize that there is no reason we couldn't just make more robots that repair other robots. That is until you then realize that scientists are working on robots that can repair themselves. So there goes that option.

"Well," you say to yourself, "that sucks but I never wanted to work those jobs anyways. I'm more of an idea guy." But therein lies the deeper problem. Now that all of the physical labor jobs are gone, everyone is an idea guy. Because there are no other jobs. But that's not the only problem. Now that robots are doing everything from growing our crops to selling us our questionable dvds, what do we even need money for? It's not like there can be a shortage of products now that everything is autonomous, right? So everything will be free thanks to the glorious robot revolution!

Not quite. We'll still need money if for other, larger purchases such as real estate, but now how do we earn money? It's quite right that public sector work is all but taken over in the physical sector, but what about desk jobs? Oh, you mean calculating, that thing that robots and computers are designed to do? No reason that they can't do that. So the only thing left now is abstract ideas, higher thinking and mathematics, and simple inventing. But these aren't things that everyone can do, or at least not that everyone can do well. So how is it fair to have the entirety of the job market based on this?

It's not. But as I've already said, there needs to still be money involved in our day to day lives. The other aspect of this is that without incentive, technology would reach this point and then stagnate. New discoveries would be made primarily by people who were willing to do it pro-bono, and as many people as there are that enjoy knowledge for the pursuit of knowledge, funding is definitely a catalyst toward advancements. There would definitely still be things coming out without anyone needing to worry about funding, but there would be less moves toward stress testing new products, customer service representation, and various other public relations. After all, if anyone could just go out and replace something whenever they felt like it, why would the mass producing industries care how long it lasted?

But maybe it's not all bad. It would be horrible at first, but there are the benefits of proper needs being available to anyone and everyone. The end of hunger and homelessness, and possibly unemployment might be worth the horribly unstable period of time until the transfer to the new system is established.

And after all, robots are supposed to be smarter than us within the next 40 years, so they can probably take over for all the higher thinking inventing and such anyways.

Robo-utopia, here we come!

If that apocalypse thing doesn't happen instead, that is.

Milk and Cookies

I absolutely cannot find any solid answer on the origin of milk and cookies. Or rather, the origin of dunking cookies in milk.

Some of the sources say that it was the result of a marketing campaign, some say it's just a tradition that cropped up, some say it was just obvious, others blame Santa Clause. At the very least the Santa Claus one is wrong.

The closest that I've been able to gather is that it most probably stems from the British custom of dunking biscuits (for those of you whom don't speak British, 'biscuit' in this context refers to a type of cookie. Yeah, I know, I don't like it either but whatcha gonna do. Crazy Brits) in their tea. From there it made it's way to America, but since we threw all of our tea into Boston Harbor, we decided to find an alternative. Water adds nothing to the cookie but sogginess, and really, we would just eat cookie dough if we wanted that (Not that we don't, but dunking it in water would add the unnecessary step of actually baking the cookie first). So the only options left at such a primitive age were alcohol and milk. Considering the only thing you should dunk in alcohol is a cherry, that left milk.

People realized it was delicious from there and started doing it. Then when mass produced cookies came along, companies like Nabisco started marketing the product in conjunction with the trend of dunking it in milk (Take the recent Oreo slogan into account 'Milk's favorite cookie') and it became a national sport from that point on.

Unfortunately this has proven to be a lot harder to track down any concrete evidence than I would have hoped. Which is too bad, because I wanted to publicly thank the person or company or whatnot that it originated from, as it led to the eventual creation of Cookie Crisp, which as of late has comprised 70% of my diet.

So cheers to you, initial cookie-in-milk dunker. May you have a special seat in the heavens.

No really, it looks great

Second opinions are important.

You should always bring a friend along when buying a car. Preferably a friend that is less of a drunkard and more of an individual that is mechanically inclined, lest you make the same mistakes I do and drive off with a motorized tricycle and a welded-on sidecar.

You should also consult your wife before buying and/or selling a house. Or renting out a room. Or your children.

You really can't trust your instincts on a lot of things, or even if you can you should still bounce the idea off of another person, if for no other reason than if it sounds good in your head than it must sound even better out loud, and if you're just talking to yourself then you'll look crazy.

And then sometimes you are crazy and everyone else is there to tell you so.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't look as good with a beard as I thought I did.

Update

There are a few people that inexplicably have been checking this site for updates.

Wow, to believe that the world hasn't crushed your spirits yet. I applaud you.

I feel I owe an explanation.

School and life got busy. These things tend to happen. Sorry about that. Plus I had a second blog that I've been taking care of.

Well, the second blog is ending soon, so I'll be concentrating on this one more. And there will be some changes.

The reviews are fun and all, but they're not as popular with people as I would have hoped. I'm not dropping them entirely, but they won't be for every update. I figure I'll start updating twice a week like it says I will on the sidebar there. One post will be whatever, and then the other one will be the random review. I'll try this out for a while and see how I like it and how it's received from all three of you that feel the need to check this site.

So starting next week whenever I'm supposed to update, I'll be updating again.

Bathrobe

Ah, the bathrobe. An article of clothing adorned by everyone from playboys to mostly nude old men at least since the advent of the newspaper. It has served us well through the generations, and continues to do so to this day.

The bathrobe is a versatile article of clothing, and as such does not always need to be worn immediately after taking a bath. It can be worn after waking up, after a vigorous session of baking, or even as a normal article of clothing, though only if you are an escapee from a mental hospital, traveling the universe with a man named after a car, or both. Bathrobes are designed for comfort, and with all such products the more expensive ones tend to be quite a bit more comfortable. The cheaper end of the spectrum tend to wear like either starched paper for the thinner models, or like a coat made of cat scratching posts for the budget version of terrycloth.

The usage of a bathrobe, or smoking jacket (the only difference internet searches have brought up is that bathrobes are designed to be worn otherwise nude, but I'm sure one could do the same thing with a smoking jacket) is either to cover one's modesty, or simply as loungewear. Some bathrobes contain pockets, in case you feel that it is appropriate outdoors wear and decide to run your errands with nothing but a loosely tied robe to cover your shame.

Oh I'm just on my way to the store to pick up some donuts. Why yes, this is my bathrobe!

As it stands, the bathrobe is a functional, but essentially superfluous piece of the wardrobe. It's underrated in one's youth and seems to become almost essential the older someone gets for reasons unknown, but it never seems to serve any real purpose aside from opening the door to collect the mail without being outside in your skivvies. Allegedly they're also used at spas, but considering I'm too poor to have ever been to one of those, this may just be part of an elaborate fantasy constructed in my own head as I stretched awkwardly backwards in an attempt to give myself a backrub and dreamt of a day when things would be better than that, and some nubile young girl would instead be giving me a rubdown.

Picture removed for various violations.

On the other hand, the bathrobe does get some cool points for its appearance of the manliest of real sports, boxing. It's well known that boxers enter the ring punching and biting at random extremities whilst wearing a light robe that they throw off last second in a show of manliness and an attempt to shock you into thinking that they are larger than you had thought they were while they were hunched under the robe. This technique works equally well against children. Speaking of whom, the other cool factor involves this being the only article of clothing that let you pretend to be a Jedi a long time ago in a bedroom probably upstairs from the basement you live in now.

The bathrobe is a purely superfluous garment, but as with most things, superfluous tends to be equatable to luxury, and even the poorest of men realize that anything that allows you to sit around almost naked for most of the day is truly luxurious. It's difficult to look down on such a pimptastic product, but I'll be damned if I didn't try. The bathrobe gets a pantsless 7 /10.

One more for the road

Soft Drink Bottles

The soft drink bottle is a most useful invention. Heralded as the god Contanus by the Babylonians, it has been in use since at least the 1800's. It saw its usage in World War II as an indispensable close quarters combat multi-functioning weapon. After the war it starred in several movies and then settled down with its wife and three kids to a quit house in the valley.

So I sort of phoned the history lesson in there, but I've used enough bottles to accurately review them, so let's get down to business.

Soft drink bottles come in an assortment of shapes and sizes. Some are economically flat, and some are ribbed for her pleasure, while others will be in gimmicky shapes or contoured to fit better in one's hand. For some unexplainable reason, most brands keep a consistent bottle opening width with the exception of the 1 liter bottle. Some 1 liter bottles are wide open enough to drop two or more hamsters straight into the opening, with little to no shoving involved. It would be a nice improvement for other bottles to utilize this size, as it would eliminate the suction problem for those not skilled in drinking from bottles.

Bottle anatomy. Because I know you've never seen one before.

This is a serious issue that is oft ignored. Some people have a bottle-drinking-from handicap. The majority of us know that one can simply tip and sip the contents of a bottle, but those select few will wrap their mouths around the opening and suck like an infant, extracting all the sweet nectar from inside the container. This causes the sides of the container to contract and create a suction effect with the individual's mouth, causing a need for it to be released afterward, with a slight chance of expelling some of the bottle's contents in various directions; occasionally they will fly into the person's eyes. Also, this makes disgusting noises and is loud, so people should really stop doing that.

Soft drinks bottles have numerous uses, which range from refreshment to entertainment toward biodome. They are capable of housing any number of things that can fit through the mouth; from soft drinks, to marbles, to pond water saturated with tadpoles. The uses go beyond merely holding things, though. With a small spiral plastic attachement and TWO bottles, one can make a scale representation of a twister that can be seen as the water drains through the contraption! Empty bottles may also be beaten rhythmically against things to create musical concertos that will leave your friends and relatives speechless in awe.

And finally, like any great invention, bottles can legitimately be used as a weapon. Beating someone with an empty bottle is somewhat pointless, but a full one may hold some heft to it, especially if the contents are aforementioned marbles or a carbonated beverage. If you still live in the 1960's, you could simply break your glass bottle over a table and use it as a stabbing implement. If you do not have access to old fashioned bottles, however, grip the bottle firmly in hand and strike your foe in or around the temple with the bottle cap. It's guaranteed that they'll be down for the count. Be sure to remember this the next time your friend that always brags about the knife they carry is left frozen in terror during your routine Thursday night being mugged.

With many (see: several) uses and designs, and widespread popularity, the soft drink bottle is one thing you don't want to be left without. Due to its potential to annoy, it'd seem like that would bump it up a few notches. Unfortunately, annoying things tend to be a double edged sword, and the potential to be used against you is a detractor to the overall score.

Walking the Box gives it an 8.....out of 10. Said in the voice of Adam Sessler.